Kendrick Avant

Personal Thoughts: Sex vs. Multiple Sclerosis

Before I give my full ‘bloggy’ explanation, yes, yup, fa sho, 10-4, absolutely, hell to the damn right. To be clear, I am confirming that I, a Secondary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis Outlaw, WANT sex with my Multiple Sclerosis. As often as possible. Even more than before my diagnosis. And I am a textbook Scorpio sooooo… Yeah, allow me to escort you through this collaboration of chronic illness and for lack of better wordplay, sexual healing. 🍻

Next up, confession. I’ve always, ALWAYS enjoyed sex. I’m sure most people think that all dudes are like that, every man thinks about sex all day. Cool beans homie. I’m not making any attempt to adjust any assumptions. I’m saying, I’ve ALWAYS enjoyed sex. Honestly, the chase, the flirtation, the language, code switching and intimacy, the illicitly illogical thoughts that play out as I, you, attempt to differentiate between levels of dirty, freaky and downright nasty… I enjoy sex. Multiple Sclerosis introduced itself in October 2016 and forced me to redefine myself, first as a father, then, husband.The process is ongoing and never will stop because the disease itself, in simple terms is a painfully, permanent degeneration of physical abilities. Folks see my walking difficulties, the wheelchair, the general struggle to move. They don’t see the perpetual nerve pain coursing from the soles of the feet and snaking toward my knees. They don’t understand the energy it takes to manually adjust your breathing in random intervals, for random amounts of time. I move throughout my day with exit strategies and emergency plans as top three priorities because my bladder issues deserve that much attention and have proven themselves capable of crippling my participation in anything. MS is a worthy adversary that affects every single moment of my life. There’s no shame in me admitting it took a few years to adjust mentally, spiritually, emotionally and accept the physical was no longer my concern. Hell, don’t let me get started on the financial adjustment!

Now, *clears throat and sips water*, MS and sex. my FB groups, support chats and even the independent social media apps designed for MS’ers have a common theme, sex and Multiple Sclerosis do NOT mix. For awhile, it didn’t for me either. I couldn’t perform with the monotonous pressure and pain of losing my entire shit. By perform, remember that I enjoy sex, the chase, flirtation, language, etc. I could fulfill my manly obligations but lost the drive to HUNT. Fast forward to 2019 and I again enjoy sex, even more than before. I hope you’re asking why. 🎯 Good.

Before my MS diagnosis, the activity of sex was a culmination of my efforts to please my partner. It was all about ensuring HER orgasm because I’ve enjoyed pursuing the right to please HER. I write this blog 2 1/2 years free of all prescription drugs. 2 1/2 years without eating land animals. 80lbs lighter. I yoga and meditate at least once per day. I’m suspicious of non-positive people and rebuke negative energy. *deep breathe* I want to convey that I am a different person three years later. I sincerely feel it, more appreciative, selective, patient and dare I say, resilient. I need sex because it is the paramount of sexual healing. The air of gratitude that I’ve attained transformed the pursuit of sex and its amazing variety of sexual positions into an artistry of rehabilitation. It’s not that during sex I can suddenly do things I normally can’t. Quite contrary, I am acutely aware of my shortcomings and inabilities. It’s that it doesn’t matter what I can’t do. What I can’t do never enters my imagination. I think this is what Marvin Gaye meant by sexual healing, the pure, intentional act of losing yourself in another’s contentment. That’s what sex is for me and I can’t get enough. The journey of self love and self appreciation erode my own negative self-image so I’m always in the mood. Improving my diet and the focus on yoga is sculpting my physical appearance to the point that I adore my own reflection. I flex in the mirror now. My wife calls them upgrades. I workout in the living room. My kids join. I’m using a wheelchair in public and strangers are complementing my aura. I’m telling you this to help you understand that I’m happy AF and horny like a muthafugga. I can do things that I couldn’t before. I’m more intuitive and responsive than before. My perspective of the impending loss of independence has changed. I’m learning to accept it as a trade-off for the life of writing, reading, traveling, teaching and blogging. I’m telling you; sex is the prize for being authentically optimistic and it gives me the same benefit of yoga/meditation/gratitude/Positivism in one activity. The pushing, pulling, reaching, grinding, fast/slow, stop/go are pretty easy to compare to yoga and benefits well defined. The meditative element is tied to the orgasmic conclusion. You’re laying there, quiet, peaceful and your mind is free of everything MS for a few minutes. When you are present again, your muscles, joints and movements are quicker for a little while. Of course, you’re grateful as well! I can keep going. The sense of accomplishment that I achieve from pleasing my wife. That kinda stuff is akin to earning a Win for the day. You’ve burned calories; well, I do. After sex sleep is the only sleep that provides any recovery for me too. 😉

Again, am I the ONLY MS’er that NEEDS sex like medication?

4 thoughts on “Personal Thoughts: Sex vs. Multiple Sclerosis”

  1. That was dope. It has taught me a few things to keep in mind….. my Brother your positivity is absolutely encouraging and much appreciated…. gotta check out a few more of your blogs.

  2. Thank you for sharing this information. I am not sure if I am strange, but I swear my sex drive isn’t there anymore. I blame it on the MS, but maybe i am wrong. I look forward to reading more of what you share and hope if you have time you will check out my site! Take care!

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