Hell of a title huh? *winks* But for real, that is exactly what I’m chopping this Hump Day. My marriage is an integral piece to my wellness but my wife did NOT agree with my decision to quit healthcare. She hated it and felt I was on some gung-ho, kamikaze, depressed stuff. My parents hated it and still doubt my decision. My brother actually still voices his hatred for the decision and even tried to add me to his healthcare without telling me! #LOVE Nobody liked the choice, potnas, homies, Family, (Yup, there is a difference between all and it’s usually associated with how close we are.) colleagues, my favorite gas station attendent, I mean NOBODY liked the decision. My neurologist did the Scarface, “You’ll need me before I need you.” Yooo, it was baaaaaaaaad in March 2017. I stopped popping pills just because doctors told me so. Steroids, fusions, flushes, radiation… Naaaw dawg. *sigh* I was out and on my fucking OWN. (complete story here, Why I Quit Healthcare)
Three years later, I am sooooo much better because I chose to OVERstand wellness, attack my weaknesses and be better. (Remember, you can buy the $3.99 self-help ebook here, If you can’t GET better, BE better) Along the way, my wife fussed BUT noticed that this journey towards wellness, the BEST version of ME, mind, body, soul and heart was happening. She joined. She didn’t know she joined but she absolutely started walking with me, monitoring, gauging my changes and… *smiles* making comments.
Wellness is the health of body, mind, heart and soul. It is the genuine care and interest in self, self-love. Wellness is that awesome stuff that allows people to look past bullshit and carry on. Wellness is what I aim for, search for, develop routines of self-care for, monitor myself and note changes for. Surely you’re picking up what da lil handicapped homie putting down! I made the conscious decision to treat my entire being, not just the body and it is paying off. With her constant small actions, my wellness is affected positively and powerfully because I’ve dedicated so much energy to being grateful and present. It improves our marriage by strengthening our communication and appreciation for each other to intense levels. The stronger marriage results in improving my wellness because my heart, mind and soul feel better. Next thing I know, we have sincere cycles of gratitude and positivity. Since I’m always pushing, pumping, promoting self-care, my wellness isn’t defined her participation. The harder I go for me, the more she unknowingly participates.
THAT is the magic in all this wellness, marriage and PPMS. That is “roadmap” I want to leave for others, #sickAF, like me. How spouses, partners, kids and loved ones can help people that reach a point in their illness where the management of symptoms and enjoyment of life SUPERSEDES length of life. “It’s not about how much time we left, it’s how we spend the time we have left.” Multiple Sclerosis took that movie/book line and laid it at my feet since that March 2017 decision. A thousand times more, I would choose wellness over healthcare. To further exemplify this feeling, to help others OVERstand how to help people, #sickAF, like me and seeking wellnes, I will break down those four components and what she does. Other spouses, partners, etc., please feel free to remix, add, whatever as you support your #sickAF homie.
For here, it starts with food and diet. My wife does research into foods rich in specific vitamins and elements to keep me floating and going. The waters I drink, teas I start, she is sipping with me and keeping them supplied before I even run out. If I get into a habit of not eating, she’s noticing before me and making adjustments, comments, pointing out that I felt this/that when eating this/that. It is an amazing bonus for someone to hold full conversations about the effects of diet on their skin, energy and attitude. Does she eat meat and other stuff? Yuuuuuuup but the salads, meatless burgers, fish have become staples of her diet as well. If I’m feeling sluggish after something, she can discuss it with me because we’re grubbing together so much. If I’m shaking more, falling more, leaning more, she is adding fruits and veggies to my intake without even saying it. At this point, she is hyper-aware of which foods make me feel better and right away, she is bringing it in. I know my energy levels run higher than they used to because I eat so many leafy greens, drink so much water. I have so much of what I need because she keeps it in house. She enjoys my energy levels being up almost as much as I do. *winks*
Link to How Pescatarian Diet Improves MS
Of course, your marriage, relationship, partnership, whatever will affect the heart DIRECTLY. Allow me to dive a little deeper… My wife blows my heart up with affirmations and compliments on my physical looks and high spirits. I’m dead serious. Me being in a good mood, squabbing with MS, head high, singing in my wheelchair, joking with the kids, patient with visitors, blogging, writing, creating turns her on. She loves it and since I’m always pumping, pushing, promoting Gratitudes, she showers me with Gratitudes as well! Yooooo, when energy is important to you, Gratitudes are medicine. My heart feels better when I give Gratitudes so I do. When I receive Gratitudes, I no longer duck, hide and play modest. I sincerely accept that compliment, affirmation, gratitude and it fuels me. She’s always looking at me smiling now, rolling her eyes, smirking or mouthing something and the attention fuels me. Here I am, struggling to move, out of breath over yoga and a beautiful Queen tells me, “Hey Dude, that yoga has your chest defined as hell.”
*blushes* That makes me blush just telling the story! And it happens all the time, sincerely, authentically, without being forced. She compliments me on the patience I may show “teaching/punishing” our kids and THAT fills my heart, gives me energy, heals some stuff and I’m moving. It is really hard to feel like shit when you’re being told that you’re cute, passionate, dedicated or *gulp* awesome.
So I have these moments where I get caught up in the darkness and anxiety of the future. I stare into space, try to shake it off but sometimes, when you’re living a life of pain, you kinda succumb. I’m used to it and well aware that the moments are temporary but I’m not gonna lie. It is a GREAT help to have someone, something, distract me. Help me rid the clouds so I can keep moving. That’s where she comes in, literally dancing and grooving. I love it. It might be a quick twerk. She may hold my hands and kinda groove around my wheelchair for a few seconds. She may even bust out a 90s move but whatever it is, it breaks up my thoughts, shakes the darkness, rids the clouds and I can keep going. At bedtime, she lays on my chest and curls around me. (Literally curls around me because I lost weight and waaay more flexible due to yoga. #CrossesHeart) During those curled up episodes, I’m not tripping over future disabilities, former abilities, difficulties with employment, nothing. My imagination slows down and rocks the present for all it’s worth. With a calm and collected imagination, I actually go to sleep despite the foot neurosis and low-intensity tingling all over my left arm. Yes, I wake up within hours but by then, symptoms have changed and I’m ready to address them with vigor and a rested mind.
There is a special AF kiss that she gives me now that soothes my very soul. My wife, out of nowhere, will walk up and hold my face in her hands. She makes eye contact and kisses me lightly on the lips or forehead. I don’t get the kiss if I don’t make eye contact. I don’t get the kiss if I instinctively just try to kiss her quick and sit back staring or frowning or whatever it is I was doing. I only get the kiss when I make eye contact. She doesn’t give a compliment with it. She doesn’t say “I love you”. She doesn’t ask what is wrong. She makes eye contact, kisses me, smiles and moves on. For lack of better words, it feels like respect. It’s soft like “everything will be okay.” It tastes likes “King, I got you.” Every time she does it, I need it. I don’t know if I’m making a face first but she does it. She comes in from working her shifts and does it after hyping the kids up on making dessert. It makes me smile back despite whatever symptom is popping or storm approaching.
All of these 4 components of wellness are things I work on MYSELF using yoga, meditation, tea, water, sage, crystals, herbs, kratom, etc. but nothing beats the interaction and energy of a loved one. Nothing prevents the negativity of losing ALL independence like the interaction and energy of a loved one. There came a time during this journey towards wellness that we realized how she impacts the entire soul, mind, heart and body. I had to share that for others, like me, #sickAF.
Previous Related Post: MS Exhaustion is real AF
Next Related Post: 21 Questions with Da MS Outlaw