Kendrick Avant

SuckaFree CFM, Week 13, Season 1:

Ooooooooo WEEE! That doggone SuckaFree CFM has gotten REAL. Real as in real fast. *crowd boos the bad joke* I’m dead serious tho. It is a new day in SuckaFree. *hops off stoop of liquor store* The chat stay jumping with everything from football, to bullshit and back to high school football. The same people still yapping and pumping the gas (looks at specific users) and pretty much the expected users are at the top of the rankings, divisions, and leading the user beef. It was funny than a mug when newbie, MonstersAndM4s (the guy running with the Packers) asked the Commissioner if Ant Joh was commish because he never stops talking and telling others what to do. ROTFLMAO. Yup, things have definitely changed. In the normal go-around of SuckaFree, users join, quit, banned, suspended, given auto losses, etc. This year? 14 users from the get go? The action has been FEROCIOUS. Every week, somebody getting LEANED on by another squad. It is actually normal to see users lose to the CPU. (Now, SOME folks banging on the CPU but that was gonna come.) The speed of the game has super increased. I don’t just mean the cutting/trading/pimping of players. I’m talking about the rate of advances! Daaaaaaaaaaamn! These cats knock out advances almost every 24hrs and if you the last 6 of the league to play, SOMEBODY gon call you out and ask when you’ll play. True, usually it’s Ant Joh but Pickens is quick to slide in comments like, “That’s why we shouldn’t wait.” on NOBODY. The Commish will rain on Bball, BLM, Jaylin and anybody else looking at a 2-week auto. *shakes head* There is no more of the “Oh, it’s my anniversary. Gimme another day.” The infamous line, “my power/Wi-Fi is messing up” has been gone. The influx of talent has not only forced the old heads out of their comfort zone, the Commish has relaxed with some the rules. Never before has SuckaFree seen the trade market become vicious. Pickens and Ant Joh’s antics kicked everybody and their momma into the action. Pickens is much more selective with his choices but makes the most trades by far. Ant Joh goes for speed and bigger names; he isn’t concerned about their development, just wants players to fit his “user’ing.” *straight face* Stop. You know what user’ing is. The stick skill users are fiends for players that move FAST on the field. Ant Joh is one of those users and as such, he will absolutely make win-now moves to get said players. *respect* The Commish and Bowman hold up the other side of the gameplay & team construction piece. Both of these men make FEW moves on trade blocks and such, have their teams in the hunt. GAH DAMN MUTHA… *incredulous look* BLM traded C. Mac (Panthers SUPERSTAR, YOUNG RB) to freaking ROCKET/Browns of ALL people. The move will either replace the Kaso/Bball trade of Lamar Jackson as worst trade in SuckaFree history OR finally prove to the league that BLM has a plan this Madden. BLM has 4 first round draft picks and the pressure is on HIM to show something, anything, as a team builder, play caller, stick skill, even a cheezer but at he hasn’t shown shit in SuckaFree except the natural ability to disrupt Funky’s line of thinking.

Division Leaders:

NFC South

Sitting pretty AF at the top of league’s standings is ol 48Bars. He doesn’t say much as a user but pops up every week or so to po-mouth or dry beg. I appreciate the strategy of silent ninja, say less, do more. With a plethora of OLD ass vets in his favorite positions, he has the Bucs doing their thing.

NFC West

Kaso is sitting at 7-5 and grinding out the NFC West with Bowman. The two users are very familiar with each other and Bowman was the FIRST SuckaFree OG to dent Kaso’s armor. Even BOTH CPU teams are winning and beating other users as the AZ Cardinals knock off a human coach every week!

NFC North

The NFC North is in third place. MonstersAndM4s/GB Packers is at the botttom of the dwellar but he has missed a huuuuge portion of the early season schedule.

NFC East

LMAO!!!!!! The mighty has either fallen OR planning some Master Splinter-raise-my-turtles-from-sewer type of move. The NFC East is the worst division in the entire league. (Wait. Real talk tho. Isn’t that exactly how the Seattle Seahawks and BEASTMODE introduced themselves to the NFL? They entered the playoffs as a losing team and beat the Saints?!) *duck face*

AFC South

The man. The myth. The legend needs no introduction. He took a solid AF ass team, remixed the shit out the units and keep it pushing. Reload, never rebuild.

AFC North

Rocket… Oh, he of the whoop-that-trick philosophy. 66-0. Something was wrong, off, terrible, bad connection but…. He deserves the #2 in the AFC.

AFC East

Ant Joh never takes a play off, day off, text off, response off, trade off, loss, nothing. Somehow, some kind of way, he has held his middle fingers to SuckaFree and taken a GIGANTIC step towards cementing a legacy here. The Jets were the 2nd worst team on the damn game, yet Ant Joh has them in contention to punk the league and Debo a ring in year one. *crowd roars*

AFC West

The Commish is outside his element but inside the zone. Never has he taken the challenge of defending his league from kickoff to finish. With a ready made roster, on the level of the original Colts and Browns, Commish is standing on his principles. He refused trades of veterans threw his sack on the table to go for a title, as is, no cheeze, no big trades, vet dump off. Nope, just a commish and his dream.

Dem boys in tha draft looking liiiiiiike….

Offensive Playmakers

Zeke Grant, #1 QB Strong Arm, 6’6, 226lbs, Ohio State

Zeke is the son of former NBA champ, Horace Grant (Daaaawg. Y’all don’t remember Horace? Goggles? Rumors that Jordan punked him and took his after game meal if he played too soft?) The OSU product is leaving school in the footsteps of Dwayne Haskins. One year of elite production (during a covid season and only playing 8 games in his entire college career) has the redshirt sophomore opting for the NFL draft. Scouts love his size, ability and mechanics but like his father, question about his heart stalk his sports career.

Tim Platt, QB Field General, 6’0, 225lbs, Da U.

Tim Platt has done well at Miami. A University of Houston graduate, he broke records at UH before transferring. One short season of football later, he vaulted himself into 1st round consideration based on his Uncle’s tutelage and oversight. Platt comes from a hard knock story. His mother was a pimp and sentenced for forcing grown men into the trade. His father was never known but suspected of being her first victim.

Defensive Show Stoppers

Taylor Tate, #1 FS Hybrid, 5’11, 225lbs, San Diego State

Tate was a 5-star athlete that chose to attend San Diego State to stay close to home. His efforts led the Aztecs to their first undefeated season and an appearance in the college football playoffs. Tate shocked the world when he predicted a win over the Texas Longhorns and sealed the victory with a pick-6 after tying the game on a fumble-6.

Jahleel Underwood, #2 CB Slot, 6’2, 180lbs, UCLA

Underwood is attempting to do what normal CBs don’t. Look like Richard Sherman but PLAY like Richard Sherman. Jahleel is a 4-year starter with experience playing outside, inside and point guard for the Bruins basketball team. His 13pts, 7 assists were game were monumental in the Bruins’s Final Four run of 2020.

SuckaFree Rumor Mill!

The user with the most heart, Wilpower and damn me shawtest memory is CaptainFlu. Facing crappy wi-fi, unable to call plays, glitching the WHOLE game, he hung in and accepted loss. 66-0.

The user with the least heart is Levar Chase. He was down 21-0 at half and quit on the first drive of the 2nd quarter because “he wasn’t feeling well.”

Previous Related Post: Week 2 has kicked off

Next Related Post: SuckaFree: 1st season over

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: