As always, start with the GOOD stuff…
She didn’t say anything bad BAD. That counts in my book. I came to the appointment with big dreams and I knew better than to do so. *shaking head* I actually walked in thinking she’d be excited to discuss… *stops* Naaaah. I thought she’d be curious that I was so much better than she expected. Yeah. I’m honest with ch’all. I thought I’d shock the whole office with my wellness. I had my vitamins, supplements, Healing MS book, notes on the personal journey, I was ready for it all. In hindsight, that was too much. Ain’t NO doctor, specialist, RN, nobody got time like that. Time to explore low points and bounce best practices. She did brag on my appearance. Her entire office gave a genuine feel that they were impressed by my appearance and upbeat attitude. #CoolBeans My PCP has never been one for talking, asking about kids or family but when she leaned on the wall, gangsta style and asked how were my treatments going. I thought that was my opening! I grabbed my bag of research, evidence and questions.
The bad? I’m probably tripping BUT…
Promptly, the busy-ness of business coincided with my reach for that bag. The focus immediately shifted to physical therapy. I can’t afford that so I returned the absence of attention. She hinted at me seeing her neurologist recommendation, I got even more open about my distrust and distaste of her solutions. “Yoo. Doc. I’m ONLY gonna see you for help and concerns.” That killed the rest of the small talk between us. Again, in hindsight, what I said isn’t a “compliment” to a medical professional. It can taken as a threat. I basically told a PCP that is all HER responsibility to work with me. I won’t see a specialist, despite her best opinions, and expect HER to save the day. I’m not. I don’t. I won’t. She doesn’t know all that tho. *shrugs* I don’t expect a damn thing from anybody of Western Medicine but I’d appreciate some direction. I did get the contracted tip. Contracted is where the muscles in the body aren’t challenged enough and those muscles lock into a position. For me, wheelchair user, the position is my legs contract into is the sitting with bended knees.
I get it. She is doing her damnest, doing her doggone professional duty. I’ve calmed down but I’m done. Not with all PCPs but with her. I’ll try a different PCP every visit if needed because now, I know what I want in whatever healthcare I have. I want a doctor unafraid to think outside-the-box. I need a doctor willing to look me in the eyes, discuss what I’m trying, ask me questions about the wellness adventure.
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