Kendrick Avant

A rebuttal to Open Letter to Fathers…

One reader’s reaction to the blog post, Open Letter to Fathers…

I agree with the sentiment of this post, but I’m skeptical of the solutions for a few personal reasons.
First, I agree with the sentiment because, while you’re talking about cannabis for physical pain, I grow through a similar stigma with my family because I use psychedelics for mental health. However, the frustration it causes my family members who wish I’d choose more mainstream medicines is very similar.


On the other hand, I’m not sure about the proposed solutions. Well, the first one makes sense. I don’t keep a gratitude journal, but I do keep a journal and it does help. Maybe a gratitude journal might help more.

The second one though…. I am not convinced of this whole love language thing. It seems like a scam to legitimize a lack of effort that most people take when approaching intimate relationships. Like, what even is “words of affirmation” but the idea that “my words have as much value as your actions”. The wife and I have had several heated discussions about this.

The last one, “learn my why” is similarly problematic. It prioritizes goal-setting over living in the moment. I rarely have a why for anything I do, and if I do have a why it’s usually “because it feels right”. So, when my family asks me “why do you do these drugs” they expect me to have some grand answer, but I’m usually just like “this feels like the right thing”

My comeback

Yoo! *bows* I am excited about your response. That love language was wack until I actually read the book and put it to use. It has been awesome in my marriage even tho my wife refuse to read it. She admits the effect on her is that seeing me change how I approach her and kids. Example, I was pouring my heart out in words of affirmation other day. King, I was FILLING her tank. 👏🏾. Except, I wasn’t. 🤦🏾‍♂️. I could see her body language droop, eyes darting from phone, to TV, to me. I remembered she is gifts & acts of service so I cut it short, told her thanks and said I’m doing laundry JUST because she’d been talking right. 😉

Bruh, bro. She put her phone down, kissed me, said “Ohhh! Well, I’d BEEN doing that 15yrs ago if…”. I got more stories, examples, with them all. Shit like that, before I knew love language, lil miscommunication would cause a fight. I would be hurt she paid me no attention. Here I am, spilling my heart, giving her REAL talk and she can’t put the phone down? I’d carry that to work, be short on patience with da kids, half ass participating because I’m low key PISSED she ignoring me. AGAIN. I’m “keeping it real”. Meanwhile, she pissed because I “talk too damn much” or “think because I’m better with words, what I say is more important”. Soooo much of that shit has calmed down because I flow with love language.

The WHY is all about you, your power, your perspective. That WHY is redefining your perspective, chipping at it, forging it. My WHY can STILL be the fact I’m fucked up 5am, Tuesday, work at home 7am. The WHY? I have freaking Spondylosis and nothing for the 6 bulging discs, 5 herniated discs except liquor & cannabis, kratom, etc. The LIQUOR tho? 🤜🏾🤛🏾🙏🏾 The WHY is your Wins, the story. That’s what you remember, write, celebrate. The house is your what. Sons, bbq’ing under your own shit, mowing naked, unfiltered DRAWS is your WHY. You have a WHY and never cared to give it.

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